I mean, seriously, how do you ACTUALLY know when to give up?

I wanted to be a singer. And not just ANY singer - no, I’m a teenager of the 90’s - I wanted to be the next Celine Dion or Mariah Carey… and while I could keep a tune with them - my voice wasn’t naturally like theirs. And back before the internet, I struggled to find out any information about getting signed to a label - the closest I came was temping for Warner Music as a receptionist for a few days.

A WW2 review group from the early 2000s. We did a few RSA’s, and it was a blast. (That’s me in the yellow dress that was my Gran’s. :) Not quite giant stage - but it was a joy to sing to the oldies that loved it.

Fast forward to today. I’m 44, have 3 kids, and my other half and I have spent the better part of the last decade being primary carers for his elderly parents.

AND I’m trying to start a photography business.

AND I’m trying to grow my youtube channel and learn and gain confidence there.

AND we homeschool 3 kids.

AND we’re trying to make a video game - which I’ve now joined in on and I’m pushing myself to learn Unreal Engine and make the map for the game - something I’ve never done before. I’m learning, while simultaneously trying to build the map that we’re going to use for the demo.

It hasn’t been an easy path - my other half leading the charge, the two older kids learning the programs - and still, issues, issues, issues. He works like a manic - on like 5-6 hours sleep, and I struggle on 8.

It so often feels like 2 steps forward, 376 steps back…

But what’s the problem that’s the proverbial “last straw” that breaks the camels back?

When is enough, enough? When do you just give it away?

This isn’t meant to be some pep talk - I’m not just going to say “just push through”. Because sometimes the best thing you can do is to let things go.

I got to 30 and let the idea of a singing career go. Not because I couldn’t have found some way through it - but because what I ACTUALLY wanted was not the right goal for me.

What is it that you’re ACTUALLY trying to do? What’s the CORE of your mission?

My life as a singer looked like being signed to a label, making CD’s that would become the soundtrack to someone else’s life like others had been for me, and singing on stage to large crowds. It was never about being idolised, or earning millions of dollars, or wanting to be in magazines. For me - the CORE of what I wanted, was to sing because it made me feel physically happy, and for that to then bring happiness or some other form of emotion to someone else.

And that’s really what all creative work is about - it’s about doing something that you have an emotion for, to evoke an emotion in someone else.

So maybe it’s more about letting go of the VERSION of it that you’re currently holding. I don’t think it’s ever about letting something go completely - because that drive doesn’t just… leave.

That drive to HELP someone else. That drive to SERVE others somehow. That drive to have GENUINE CONNECTION with another person. That drive to TEACH and PASS DOWN KNOWLEDGE. That drive to create something that MOVES someone in a deep place.

And I think THAT is what’s at the core of what we do.

First, we find joy in something.

We enjoy drawing.

We find a fascination in learning about cameras.

We love gaming and connecting with our friends online.

We love chess and the mental competition with another person. (Not me, I just thought it was a good example. I suck at chess. lol)

But in all these, you’ll find some form of connection when you step outside of yourself. And don’t get me wrong - I definitely think there’s a lot of people who do it for selfish reasons too - there’s more than enough people who do it just to be “THE” person in the room.

But I don’t think that’s most of us.

So, what’s not working for you right now?

Maybe the question you’re thinking is “What IS working right now? - that list’ll be shorter.”

And I know that feeling.

Spinning wheels. Posting on social media. Putting out videos to a lack-lustre response. Doing the groceries. Paying the bills. Feeding the kids. Doing the occasional photo shoot. Editing. More social media. I forgot to go for my walk today, so I’m feeling a bit crappy. We’ve got ballet this afternoon for number 3. Did I pay the car bill?

And on top of those, I’ve had 2 deaths in the family in the past 2 weeks and I’m exhausted mentally even just from trying to process those.

AND I’m behind on my contribution to the game - and most of what we talk about is some problem that’s come up. (Although they did get a creature animated and into the base Unreal game map the other day, so that was pretty awesome!).

It all adds up.

That’s the point I’m making. Breaking point isn’t always about the thing you’re trying to do (like photography or art or a youtube channel) - it’s often SO much more about all the other crap around your life.

The only question to ask yourself is this: What if I just let this go?

I got to just before I turned 30, and thought “what if I just let the music idea go?”… and I did. And I didn’t regret it. All of a sudden my future seemed more open. I didn’t get into photography straight away - in fact, it was a good 7 or 8 years after that when I first picked up my camera. In the meantime though, I did marketing and online marketing and social media and taught myself how to make websites and learned how to do basic graphic design.

If I’d given up, I wouldn’t have captured this photo a few days ago for an awesome family. <3 And even though this was the free mini session I’d awarded, and I didn’t book any paid clients - it was still all worth it to meet this family and take photos that they’ll get to look back on for years.

I did give up photography once…

…but I regretted it immediately. Like, the next day kind of immediately. I didn’t feel relief, I felt complete sadness and like I’d just given up my soul. That was how empty I felt. And comparing it to when I gave up singing (which I genuinely loved - I never saw myself doing anything except that) - one was relief, and one felt like I just lost myself.

And that’s what keeps me going now. I know the difference between relief and feeling lost.

That doesn’t mean it’s always easy. It doesn’t mean that it’s not up and down. It sucks when you launch something and get no clients (like my recent Wildling Mini’s shoot that got not even one inquiry). But what keeps me going is that I KNOW my work is good enough (I still have a long road to go) and I know that it’s just that I haven’t built a client base yet. And the proof is in other work I’ve done - landing 5 wedding bookings in the first quarter of the year.

We’ve all considered giving up in our darkest days

I love me a good motivational quote - I’ve always got them on my phone or often printed off and on my wall.

But one of the best ones I ever heard was something about making sure that your ladder is against the right wall - essentially that all the work you’re doing to scale the wall - at the very least you know when you get to the top it’s the one you actually wanted.

So perhaps - rather than questioning if you SHOULD quit - perhaps you need to think about if your ladder’s against the right wall. Because you’ll put effort in somewhere in life - those of us who chase goals are naturals at putting in effort. Just make sure it’s the RIGHT place to put that effort.

And, just quickly, I think it needs to be said that we can really get hooked into “but we’ve spent so much time and effort already on this - it’ll be a waste if we stop now”.

I’m currently watching someone in my life, who we’ve encouraged to just let go and enjoy the end of her life - hold onto literal hoarded junk. Instead of cleaning out, making it easier for her kids and family, and spending more quality time with them - she’s more interested in holding onto her anger and resentment and junk, than her own family. And at 44, I have ZERO interest in putting another 20 years of something into my life that I don’t REALLY want.

I will happily do photography forever. And if it’s just a hobby - so be it. I hope that it will turn into an actual paying career - but I’m willing to go the hard yards, regardless of that outcome. I’ll do it at nights or weekends after work if I have to. Because it’s a real love affair, not just another thing on my to-do list.

Not that I’m saying I’m passionate about it every day - some days I’m like “ugh… editing….” lol. But we all have days like that. So that’s not a good thing to weigh your heart on.

It’s a simple true or false:

Is it the thing that makes you light up and you love doing it regardless of getting paid?

True - stay doing it.

False - let it go.